Just tonight at my hometown Harts Gas Station, I was checked out by my former high school flame (Mxke Jxhnsxn). Well, it was a very one sided teenage love affair. He had no idea that I even existed as I stalked him down the school hall. He never noticed my anorexic (and no I wasn’t, thanks for asking) looking body, permed & Sun-In blonde hair complete with large bangs, and pegged jeans with Converse. Every night I prayed he would ask to give me a ride home in his brown Mazda RX7. Each night I prayed to run my fingers through his long brown Andre’ Agassi-esque mullet hair. I mean his beautiful lion/wild stallion mane of hair. But thank goodness for unanswered prayers.
My former flame’s hair is now short (at least he doesn’t have a bald spot) and ewwww, lamb chop side burns. What??? He looks like he could be an accountant all of the way down to the pleated Docker plants.
He turned and gave me a “How you do’in look” as he parked his Toyota Forerunner (he obviously hasn’t done too well on the money front) next to my car. I’m pretty sure my face turned red as I pretended to be looking behind me to back my car out. What I wouldn’t have given to have him check me out 19 years ago!!! And yes, I am that old.
As I drove away in my Lexus, I looked in the mirror and thought dang; he likes straight black hair not blonde permed hair. And then I thanked heaven above for my unanswered prayers. I could be driving a Forerunner.
Here is my former high school flame’s picture with a disguise to protect his identity and I was able to snap a current picture of him.
You will be relieved (like me) that there are unanswered prayers.
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